Let's Change the Times!!!!

There is no real explanation for the amount of exasperated stress that builds up in conversation between the two sexes. Sometimes I feel as though there should be three different sexes: Women, Men, and the Translator.

It can be a real hassle to try to understand where the opposite sex is coming from. No matter if they are speaking English, they can be right in front of your face and one can still not know what the other is saying. I think it has a lot to do with past experiences. We may not realize it, but when we are listening to what someone is saying our emotions take a major part in what we perceive the person to be saying. The emotion does not have to be tragic, but it can be all sorts of emotions that get intertwined into our selective listening. Physical noise in the area of where we are can be a damaging distraction for the conversation that we have with the opposite sex. Not to even mention the psychological aspect of it all definitely plays a role in what we take out of the conversation.

In our Gender Communication quiz, I learned that women disclose more information than men. I had not doubts about this in my mind, not one bit. Men, not all men, can be so general with their conversation that it makes it difficult to even remain on the same page as them. Women show more emotion, especially when they use the art of “storytelling.” Women love to tell stories, it has a wide range from telling one how their day was or right up to the most embarrassing thing that ever happened to them. Men on the other hand, if you ask, “So, how was your day,” a man would answer, “Fine.” What men need to comprehend is that, to a woman it is not just a formality to ask how one’s day was, she genuinely wants an answer. From what I have observed by being a women all my life *lol*, if a man is not in tuned with the topic of the conversation, they get so disconnected from it, that the responses from them can be presumed fake. Along with this what I have learned about men, is that they need time to gather their thoughts together before they present it to that woman who had the inquiry about “their day.” I know for me, sometimes this can become a burden because I want to know the answer to my question. If we can not sit here and have a regular conversation then it makes me think “Okay, something is wrong,” or “He is not interested in conversing.” One day, I asked my cousin about school, his response to me was “Oh, it was okay.” But when I asked him later about his music session, the conversation did not end until, wow I can not even remember, all I remember is that it was late *lol*. So it brought me to my conclusion that once a man or young man is not 100% into the conversation, he will give an answer just to have your question answered.

This is not only for the act of communicating verbally, this is an issue with nonverbal attributes as well. Men can not be blamed only for use of nonverbal cues; women are just as much in the playing field. Personally, I am a very expressive person. If I am happy, you will know, if I am not, you will know that as well, but I have learned to “fake it till I feel it.” While in a job setting, both sexes have to be careful of the nonverbal signals they are sending out about themselves and to their employees. Even the nonverbal is still considered communication. In an article by Debra Stein, she states “crossing your arms across your chest is an obvious sign of rejection, as is covering your lips while listening. Roughly 75 percent of people who are covering their mouths when listening are hiding thin, compressed lips of disapproval” (Stein 1), http://www.proquest.com. I agree with this article wholeheartedly. The article goes on to discuss just how important being nonverbal is in this day and age, with all the communication outlets around us.

All in all, men and women have to be held accountable for their actions. WE have to be able to become better communicators in our society. In order to become better communicators, we must first listen to what each has to say. From what we hear come up with a conclusive thesis about what the other has just noted as a concern. Even if we have to ladies, paraphrase what the men are telling us. Men, just take time out of your busy day to sit and have a conversation with your girlfriend or wife. We all have a role in our lives, and we need to be there for each other. It is not always worth the fight, if there is no genuine cause. Later on, maybe the theory of Darwinism can take place for the next generations. If in our generation, now, we can train ourselves to be better listeners, we can help our future become better listeners. We can not have frivolous arguments because there was a misunderstanding during a conversation, it is not worth it. Just take the time to Stop, Listen and most of all Pay Attention.